i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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