Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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