so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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