Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
my liver is dry heaving
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
