Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Naked Twister starts at high noon
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
