The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just forgot I was standing up.
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