She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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