Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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