you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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