I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
