Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
