I faked an abortion last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize