He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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