I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers