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Your dad touched me again.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Randomize
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