I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
