If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the condom got lost in my hair
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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