I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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