im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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