Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
