remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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