oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
