i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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