New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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