Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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