My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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