After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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