My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
