I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
