think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
