I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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