the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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