In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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