She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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