Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
