Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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