were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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