called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.