i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?