Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.

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(616): I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does. http://tfl.nu/4jqf

Replies (4) Good night (1253) Bad night (565)
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(682): View more from Texas

While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.

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(682): While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird. http://tfl.nu/l3im

Replies (12) Good night (1140) Bad night (4111)
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(510): View more from California

i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.

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(510): i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again. http://tfl.nu/nfnb

Replies (10) Good night (3441) Bad night (934)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them

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(410): I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them http://tfl.nu/t6zs

Replies (1) Good night (931) Bad night (1830)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on

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(717): Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on http://tfl.nu/fp8y

Replies (6) Good night (2874) Bad night (913)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

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(775): I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life http://tfl.nu/gkf7

Replies (1) Good night (1537) Bad night (901)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair

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(401): She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair http://tfl.nu/x122

Replies (9) Good night (1089) Bad night (2215)
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(716): View more from New York

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?

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(716): Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose? http://tfl.nu/8x2f

Replies (13) Good night (786) Bad night (1653)
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(614): View more from Ohio

The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

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(614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0

Replies (16) Good night (3920) Bad night (614)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home

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(403): If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home http://tfl.nu/j953

Replies (10) Good night (2074) Bad night (471)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"

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(201): Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class" http://tfl.nu/e4eb

Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (501)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house

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(503): Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house http://tfl.nu/makx

Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (430)
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(631): View more from New York

I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.

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(631): I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping. http://tfl.nu/09a4

Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (745)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die

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(717): Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die http://tfl.nu/2ynw

Replies (3) Good night (515) Bad night (1357)
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(314): View more from Missouri

We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love

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(314): We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love http://tfl.nu/whb6

Replies (4) Good night (582) Bad night (141)

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