She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you