I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.