Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me

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(616): I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me http://tfl.nu/7pn8

Replies (8) Good night (2892) Bad night (977)
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(334): View more from Alabama

Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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(334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh

Replies (50) Good night (3028) Bad night (1094)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.

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(412): he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/72dk

Replies (15) Good night (3186) Bad night (984)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

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(505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w

Replies (12) Good night (938) Bad night (2598)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.

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(403): He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love. http://tfl.nu/9ope

Replies (7) Good night (2586) Bad night (863)
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(315): View more from New York

I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?

(718): View more from New York

Keg backpack and a Bike

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(315): I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED? (718): Keg backpack and a Bike http://tfl.nu/7afi

Replies (4) Good night (1877) Bad night (1121)
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(585): View more from New York

My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on

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(585): My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on http://tfl.nu/yfb6

Replies (5) Good night (1375) Bad night (742)
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(779): View more from Illinois

Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.

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(779): Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright. http://tfl.nu/yk6p

Replies (8) Good night (1238) Bad night (868)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.

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(678): I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success. http://tfl.nu/rhn6

Replies (4) Good night (1485) Bad night (479)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.

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(901): My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume. http://tfl.nu/vvcp

Replies (2) Good night (734) Bad night (416)
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(914): View more from New York

bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house

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(914): bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house http://tfl.nu/ryv7

Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (877)
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(646): View more from New York

i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.

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(646): i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks. http://tfl.nu/tt2c

Replies (5) Good night (429) Bad night (701)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.

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(732): We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of. http://tfl.nu/cdwl

Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (341)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.

(224): View more from Illinois

That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.

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(262): I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity. (224): That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard. http://tfl.nu/buw1

Replies (3) Good night (856) Bad night (881)
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(214): View more from Texas

You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.

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(214): You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much. http://tfl.nu/2bui

Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (284)

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