Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
These Dirty People Havenâ€™t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.