You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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