Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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