I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
