nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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