So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize