the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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