Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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