I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
