i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
