idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.