The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately