I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..