you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
