there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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