mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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