I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
