He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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